As promised, BLACK CHRISTMAS was good horror watching!!
I had never heard of BLACK CHRISTMAS until a few years ago when S and I started really getting into classic horror. And then I found out it was directed by Bob Clark of A Christmas Story (which previously trampled Miracle on 34th Street as my FAVORITE X-MAS MOVIE EVER), which made it all the more intriguing…and even more disturbing. Kinda like if you found out that Mr. Rogers did porn on the side or something (please, I don’t want to know).
So we had a bit of trouble tracking this one down at the local Video Rental. We had it in the Netflix queue, but it wasn’t coming fast enough, so we went down to Video One (or neighborhood seedy movie rental) and managed to find it on VHS (much grumbling from S about how the quality would be so bad he wouldn’t be able to hear – it was FINE, and I thought the crappy VHS added to the effect!)
I won’t spoil anything, but the back of BLACK CHRISTMAS reads like a holiday porno. Hmmm…this keeps coming up. It’s about a group of sorority girls and their wayward house mother who are spending Christmas in their sorority house because no one loves them enough to want them home. They start receiving perverse disturbing/harrassing telephone calls, and what do they do? KEEP LISTENING, and INVITE EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE TO COME LISTEN, which is exactly what you’re supposed to do in that situation, right? LOL. And then the big shock of the movie came (ok screw it, SPOILER ALERT) – the VIRGIN is the first victim!! Srsly, right after I turned to S and said, "she won’t die, she’s the virgin – she gets asphyxiated in her closet! Then the guy in the SCREAM mask leaned over my shoulder and stuck his tongue out at me and said, "Nya-nya."
Anyway, as you can probably guess, the perky sorority sisters are picked off one by one by some unknown figure hiding in their attic. I was glad to see the house mother go – she was a badly dressed cliche. My fave part was the byatch sister who was stabbed with her own crystal unicorn – BRUTAL. But seriously, it was sitting there in the camera foreground screaming "IRONIC WEAPON." On top of all this, the MC (only girl who doesn’t die) informs her handsome turtleneck & shag haircut boyfriend that she’s pregnant, but she’s having an abortion and he gets absolutely no say, and she doesn’t love him and doesn’t know why she even told him about it. He proceeds to morph into SCARAY boyfriend and smashes his beloved piano (ouch). Um, and that’s about it. There’s a big ho-down with the killer stalking the MC, but she gets away and (somehow with a fireplace poker) kills her SCARAY boyfriend instead cuz she thinks he’s the killer.
Two annoying things: They NEVER find the bodies of the virgin or the house mother (in the attic), and who the killer is and his motivation for killing is never revealed other than snippets of his harrassing phone calls when he talks about Billy and Agnes, and "don’t tell them what we did." I had to go to Billy’s wikipedia page afterward to fill in the gaps, but then it all made sense. That must’ve been frustrating in 1974!