Scary Movie – BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974)

As promised, BLACK CHRISTMAS was good horror watching!!

I had never heard of BLACK CHRISTMAS until a few years ago when S and I started really getting into classic horror. And then I found out it was directed by Bob Clark of A Christmas Story (which previously trampled Miracle on 34th Street as my FAVORITE X-MAS MOVIE EVER), which made it all the more intriguing…and even more disturbing. Kinda like if you found out that Mr. Rogers did porn on the side or something (please, I don’t want to know).

So we had a bit of trouble tracking this one down at the local Video Rental. We had it in the Netflix queue, but it wasn’t coming fast enough, so we went down to Video One (or neighborhood seedy movie rental) and managed to find it on VHS (much grumbling from S about how the quality would be so bad he wouldn’t be able to hear – it was FINE, and I thought the crappy VHS added to the effect!)

I won’t spoil anything, but the back of BLACK CHRISTMAS reads like a holiday porno. Hmmm…this keeps coming up. It’s about a group of sorority girls and their wayward house mother who are spending Christmas in their sorority house because no one loves them enough to want them home. They start receiving perverse disturbing/harrassing telephone calls, and what do they do? KEEP LISTENING, and INVITE EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE TO COME LISTEN, which is exactly what you’re supposed to do in that situation, right? LOL. And then the big shock of the movie came (ok screw it, SPOILER ALERT) – the VIRGIN is the first victim!! Srsly, right after I turned to S and said, "she won’t die, she’s the virgin – she gets asphyxiated in her closet! Then the guy in the SCREAM mask leaned over my shoulder and stuck his tongue out at me and said, "Nya-nya."

Anyway, as you can probably guess, the perky sorority sisters are picked off one by one by some unknown figure hiding in their attic. I was glad to see the house mother go – she was a badly dressed cliche. My fave part was the byatch sister who was stabbed with her own crystal unicorn – BRUTAL. But seriously, it was sitting there in the camera foreground screaming "IRONIC WEAPON." On top of all this, the MC (only girl who doesn’t die) informs her handsome turtleneck & shag haircut boyfriend that she’s pregnant, but she’s having an abortion and he gets absolutely no say, and she doesn’t love him and doesn’t know why she even told him about it. He proceeds to morph into SCARAY boyfriend and smashes his beloved piano (ouch). Um, and that’s about it. There’s a big ho-down with the killer stalking the MC, but she gets away and (somehow with a fireplace poker) kills her SCARAY boyfriend instead cuz she thinks he’s the killer.

Two annoying things: They NEVER find the bodies of the virgin or the house mother (in the attic), and who the killer is and his motivation for killing is never revealed other than snippets of his harrassing phone calls when he talks about Billy and Agnes, and "don’t tell them what we did." I had to go to Billy’s wikipedia page afterward to fill in the gaps, but then it all made sense. That must’ve been frustrating in 1974!

Up Next: Possibly The Others, The Haunting, or The Mothman Prophecies (S’s pick – whatevs, I called him out on horror avoidance).

4 thoughts on “Scary Movie – BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974)

  1. I LOVE THIS MOVIE. As you know. One of my absolute favourites of all time. I may even have two DVDs of it. One has the script on it it and it is AWESOME. I might even have to buy it a THIRD time because they came out with a new edition and that’s how I roll.

    Kinda like if you found out that Mr. Rogers did porn on the side or something (please, I don’t want to know).

    WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME. EVEN THE SUGGESTION OF THE POSSIBILITY IS TOO MUCH.

    I lovvvved the house mother. She totally cracked me up. I mean could she be a cliche in 1974? She was fierce. Also the unicorn stabbed sister is The One and Only Margot Kidder aka Lois Lane aka ~Fiercest Lady Evah~.

    Anyway, 2006 Billy doesn’t exist to me. Your most annoying things about it are my faves yay subjectivity. The less explained the motivation is the more appealing it is to me. I totally love the idea that some people are just effing insane and will stab you with a unicorn and there is NO REASON FOR IT because it makes you look at everyone differently. Heh. THEY ARE ALL UNICORN KILLERS or KILLERS WHO KILL WITH UNICORNS!111

    Yay I am glad you watched this! AND I LOVE THESE WRITES UP!

    courtney

    1. GOOD POINTS (as usual). Right after I finished typing that, I thought, “well, the house mother probably WASN’T a cliche in 1974…” And I caught myself thinking “they’re using the old calls-coming-from-inside-the-house” riff – except that I read this was the FIRST movie to use that EVAH – so doh again.

      Now I do kinda want to see it on DVD.

      And I RECOGNIZED Lois Lane!!! And I turned to S and said, “THAT’S LOIS LANE!!!” And he looked at me blankly, and I slammed the rock he lives under back over his head. GEEZE.

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